'There you go,' says
a voice in our head. 'You did it again.
You've promised yourself 500 times you'd never do it again, and that's the
500th time you've blown it. There's no point in even trying now because you're
such a failure; you'll never break this habit.'
We go through that cycle again and again. Depressed,
discouraged, useless; our emotions tell us we'll never improve. That feeling
can be very harmful indeed.
But what if we're thinking about it all wrong? What if
breaking a bad habit is not an overnight decision?
Think about this; how are habits formed? The first time, for
instance, you had that late night snack, did you instantly say to yourself, 'I
have formed a bad habit. I'm a late night snacker. I'm stuck in this horrible
habit and I'll never get out."?
No! If anything, you thought only, 'I had a late night snack
today.'
Maybe the next night you thought, 'That was pretty nice,
having those Doritos while I watched Netflix. I should have some again.'
After a couple of nights, you develop a regular craving at
that time of night. You think maybe you're having them a little too often. But
your stomach once again gets that certain ache, and your body's already heading
towards the kitchen. 'One more time won't hurt.' Only after you've been
regularly doing it for some considerable time can you call it a habit.
This is how habits are formed. What if they're broken in
exactly the same way?
I'm sure you've heard it said before that our lives are full
of decisions. Some are big decisions, such as who to marry or where to go to
college. Some can be as small as what to wear today or what to eat for
breakfast. But hold on a second. Why this mode of thinking? Why do we consider
some choices so 'big' and others so 'small'? If I may, I'll venture to say
this; there is no such thing as an 'insignificant decision.' And the way of
thinking I've been describing is exactly the kind of thinking that not only
creates bad habits, but keeps us enslaved to them.
The breaking of a bad habit is a two-step process.
1) Make a single, tiny, one-time choice.
2) Repeat.
It's just like forming any habit. It takes the smallest decision.
No dramatic, solemn, once-and-for-all resolution, but simply one small choice, as
if you were only making an exception, only deciding to break the pattern this
one time.
But then you make that choice again. Forget that you made it
the last time. Don't worry about making it next time. Just think about this
time. This time, I'll say no. Just this once, I'll pass, I'll resist that urge.
It will take time. It will take patience. It will take,
above all, a terrible memory and a great imagination. Don't think about the
road ahead - that will overwhelm you with how far you have to go. Don't think
about the steps behind - that will make you weary and longing for the struggle
to end already. Overlook the times you've failed or fallen short -all that
matters is this time.
Not this time.
Not this time.
Eventually, secretly, like the unperceivable underground
growth of a mushroom's roots before it reveals its cap, the habit will crumble.
It will break, and you might not even know it did. And, just as importantly, a
new habit will form simultaneously. Guard yourself here - don't let a new bad
habit form to replace the old. Don't go from picking your fingernails to
picking your lips. Instead, form the good habit of perhaps folding your hands
while your hands are at rest. Don't go from midnight snacking to midnight
drinking. Unless... unless it's water. Heh. Whenever you take something away,
it must be replaced by something better.
The small choices shape our habits, and the habits shape our
lives. Bit by bit, choice by choice, our lives are changing, and maybe we don't
even notice it. They can change for the better. And it starts with one tiny
decision.
Not this time.
